baby's on way!

My baby's on the way! Seems like a long way :-P How long does it want to stay in captivity?

4 more days left. Lets hope its on time and not late like daddy:)

Come up with some good baby names.

I have had enough! 9 months passed and 4 more days.. who's delivering the baby? Pakistan post office:P

No Karachi- why?

The reason why I don't want to go back to Karachi it is not one but many.
It's not that I do not miss my city but I'm scared of the people I an away from. I have had my share and last what happened broke my heart into million pieces. I prayed hard and luckily Allah heard! Alhamdulilah.
As I keep mentioning I had always been very sensative but to strengthen me, I got married in a Sindhi family who never accepted me.
I always felt a tug of war between me and my MIL especially, who wnated to know everything happening in our lives, let alone about my personal where abouts (which included how my brother got married and what does my bhabi do, the relationship between my mom and dad) That wasn't as hard as I often heard that I wasn't Sindhi, wasn't form family and that there were so many prety girls in the family!
(aah! ask me the defination of their beauty!)
The guests were told that I was their son's choice and that I wanst Sindhi.
Tell you frankly, I lived among Pathans, Punjabis and Sindhis, as I was born abroad. Never had any feelings but now, I hate Sindhis!
I know few who read my blog are Sindhis, but dude I cannot help it. The feeling of ignorance being let down infront of so many families! I had a feeling that they were actually ashamed of having a DIL who was non-Sindhi!
I tried to mingle up. Live up as I dreamt to be a good bahu. Cooked, asked for everything..but felt was taken for granted. Who when ever felt anything said it to me.
I heard my MIL saying that "log poochtay hain hindustani tu bohat dteya hain kia diy aunhon ney shadi mein." And my heart cried! I didnt say a word but simple, I must call her fool my mom what ever she gave, gave in private cause my MIL said "humain dikhawa pasnad nahin"

I saw major difference is what was said and done. I dont care. What stops me from going back is teh feeling of being ignored and the feeling of living as a second citizen in my own city!
I was asked so many personal questions including how we make out that I dont want to go back ever. I dont want to snatch the son, he's free to go but I dont want myself to face them.
My confidence, my personality all are crushed. I can freak out on a phone call from them. Most of all what I hate is teh competition of they knowing more than me! LOL I dont care.
I dont want to go back to that place where I felt I was ripped off my self respect. And I dont want my kid to be a part of that lobby.
I'm like that. Its not only about my inlaws but even if my dad scolds me for nothing or talk rudely I hold back.
This is me. If it is a cousin whos a friend but pissing me, I make her feel shes not welcomed. But some people are just too stubborn. They would nag and nag and complain and cry!
Oh and yes, I hate hypocrisy I cannot pretend to be nice when Im not having the feeling inside.
So in short, I just dont wnat to go to Karachi becuase of my inlaws. I know the Sindhi show there and I dont want to be a victim of it again.
That was one of my conditions before marriage that Sindhi wont be used to communicate when Im around but Alas! not every promise is kept. And I HATE the feeling of being leftout beyond anything.

A common issue!

One mistake that I have seen so many married girls doing is involoving their parents in their relationship with their husband.

Guys do that too. But I have seen girls walking to the parents place and crying their heart out about any xyz has happened. It not only makes it sound bad to parents but also makes the guys impression bad infront of the IL's.

When we want not to involve our inlaws in what ever is going between us, we should also stop making issues of small things unless it's really big (hitting, abusing...) Doing so, maintains respect of the partner infront of the inlaws and then once married, we should grow up to tackle our own problems.

The best is to keep them at such pace that they respect you and your partner and incase, you are a parent, never support your kid in ruining her life! Always guide her with the best you can. Making her understand that yes, you are there to understand, but its only the two of them (the coule) that can sought out what has gone wrong so they should sit and talk about it! No one else can help you solve a problem that's between you and your partner. Off course friends are there to share and give advises, but be wise, dont make fun of yourself by going to the wrong friend!

The worst memory...

Down the memory lane, I have this memory that I wish I oculd erase form my mind... A sin that I did in my childhood and so hope that Allah knows and understand and will forgive. InshaAllah.
So the story is I was a student of fifth standard, 9 and a half years old when it hapened.

What happened was pretty natural to happen with girls. We go through a lot of emotional ups and down and need support. Since I had no sister, I was looking forward to my mom to have that support.

Unfortunately, I didnt get it! infact I was bashed and treated like it was some sin that I did. I was told not to inform anyone about it. All effort was made to make me feel like I was gross and that it was something rare that happened to me.

At school, we use dto have this zero period for Quran every morning after assembly where we read Quran. I was so upset with all teh happenings and used to think everyone's going to hate me if they come to know about this dark secret of mine, that despite of mom telling me not to touch Quran in that period, I did.

I was scared of being an object of fun and hatred! And I had no expectations to be loved. So I kept on doing it for I think till 8th standard!!!!
And sometimes, now when this memory comes back to me, it gives me a very guilty feeling.
That's probably the worst I have done in life! I hope Allah understands and forgives my sin.

Moral of teh story: Never leave your daughter alone in times when she needs support. And never make fun of anything that's is not in one's hand.

Baby feelings, the insecurities

My last post was about my pregnancy news. I just thought of letting know the fears that I have and that I had.


First thing first, I didn't want to have a baby in Karachi. Leave alone, the why? :)


Second, had not even thought of having an unplanned baby, but it was accepted?


Third, the feeling of how life will change was just too hard to swallow. It might sound mean to you, cause it sounded mean to me. But I want to let you know how it feels when you yourself go through the experience. It doesn’t always come as a pleasant surprise and takes time for acceptance. May be that's why God gives 9 whole months to prepare you mentally and physically!


Life after baby changes completely. To others, its just a bundle of joy to play with, parents know the real show.
No, no I don’t want to sound bad. It's altogether great. Just the feel to have your own baby. I want the insecurities that a girl goes through, be described.

So as I said, my life was (Alhamdulilah is still) a fairy tale. Met my prince charming and fled away in the world of happiness and contentment (again Alhamdulilah and MashAllah) We used to hang out, eat, talk and talk and talk and roam around. Watching movies on our laptop was another thing to do when nothing else.


The first thing that hit me after I accepted the fact was will he still love me the same?? Will our life change after baby? I used to feel the attention being diverted, attention that I always craved for from my loved one. I felt even I wont be able to take care of him the way I did. (and yes, it happened many a times in late pregnancy that I couldn’t wake up to bid him bye in the morning and though he had no complaints, but I felt the changes already happening)


It was a lil hard to give up our freedom. Roaming around till late night, going for movies… You know the carefree life as shown in movies, read in fairy tales!
I know sooner or later it had to happen, it comes with the package. And oh, how much I love babies, but having my own baby….How many times I had thought about it!

A lot many, before marriage. After marriage my life turned out to be pretty different than I thought married life would be! And I just wanted the two of us. I cannot bear anyone who would take him away from me.


Yes, pretty mean, but truth is when you fall in love you don’t really care about anyone! It happened to me. I'm still mean when it comes to us. I can't at times imagine how he would cuddle up with the baby!
I know times going to teach me that, it surely will. And although they say babies bond married couples stronger, I have no idea about it!


So you see it doesn’t always feel as welcoming as you think it would!

the Love guru -- I

One of the misconceptions that teenage brings is "love" as the most important factor in a realtionship.

There is no doubt that love is the basic key but not for a successful relationship. The so hyped love doesnt come alone. Trust and resect are the other two factors taht make you lead to a life full of peace and happiness.

So teh key is love your guy to the extents but dont forget teh respect factor. Never let him abuse you, never let him hit you. Same rules go for the girls. NEVER!

If mistakenly done, talk it for once, yes only once and make it off the record.
Do I sounmd like the love guru ! LOL