The reason why I don't want to go back to Karachi it is not one but many.
It's not that I do not miss my city but I'm scared of the people I an away from. I have had my share and last what happened broke my heart into million pieces. I prayed hard and luckily Allah heard! Alhamdulilah.
As I keep mentioning I had always been very sensative but to strengthen me, I got married in a Sindhi family who never accepted me.
I always felt a tug of war between me and my MIL especially, who wnated to know everything happening in our lives, let alone about my personal where abouts (which included how my brother got married and what does my bhabi do, the relationship between my mom and dad) That wasn't as hard as I often heard that I wasn't Sindhi, wasn't form family and that there were so many prety girls in the family!
(aah! ask me the defination of their beauty!)
The guests were told that I was their son's choice and that I wanst Sindhi.
Tell you frankly, I lived among Pathans, Punjabis and Sindhis, as I was born abroad. Never had any feelings but now, I hate Sindhis!
I know few who read my blog are Sindhis, but dude I cannot help it. The feeling of ignorance being let down infront of so many families! I had a feeling that they were actually ashamed of having a DIL who was non-Sindhi!
I tried to mingle up. Live up as I dreamt to be a good bahu. Cooked, asked for everything..but felt was taken for granted. Who when ever felt anything said it to me.
I heard my MIL saying that "log poochtay hain hindustani tu bohat dteya hain kia diy aunhon ney shadi mein." And my heart cried! I didnt say a word but simple, I must call her fool my mom what ever she gave, gave in private cause my MIL said "humain dikhawa pasnad nahin"
I saw major difference is what was said and done. I dont care. What stops me from going back is teh feeling of being ignored and the feeling of living as a second citizen in my own city!
I was asked so many personal questions including how we make out that I dont want to go back ever. I dont want to snatch the son, he's free to go but I dont want myself to face them.
My confidence, my personality all are crushed. I can freak out on a phone call from them. Most of all what I hate is teh competition of they knowing more than me! LOL I dont care.
I dont want to go back to that place where I felt I was ripped off my self respect. And I dont want my kid to be a part of that lobby.
I'm like that. Its not only about my inlaws but even if my dad scolds me for nothing or talk rudely I hold back.
This is me. If it is a cousin whos a friend but pissing me, I make her feel shes not welcomed. But some people are just too stubborn. They would nag and nag and complain and cry!
Oh and yes, I hate hypocrisy I cannot pretend to be nice when Im not having the feeling inside.
So in short, I just dont wnat to go to Karachi becuase of my inlaws. I know the Sindhi show there and I dont want to be a victim of it again.
That was one of my conditions before marriage that Sindhi wont be used to communicate when Im around but Alas! not every promise is kept. And I HATE the feeling of being leftout beyond anything.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
No Karachi- why?
Posted by The Lil fairy & her angel friends at 1:53 AM
Labels: inlaws, inter cast marriages, Married in Sindhi family, Reasons of not visiting Karachi
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10 Comments:
honestly having an international or multicultural experience really helps open people's eyes to the world. This world is MUCH MUCH bigger and diverse than just a tiny sindhi community.
I'm glad you're out of there and onto a better place and on better things now :)
Good luck
@MAyya: It did open my eyes. I had all dreams to be a good bahu but acceptance is the key issue!
I was never accepted and tehn when they tried to involve me things were way beyond!
so true yaar.. i totally understand what u say... m lucky in this case as my in laws r pathan but pushtoo is not the first language at home rest they r all the same no matter what language they speak :s... its good u live far away now
I'm glad you are out of that environment. I am very, very, very lucky Alhumduilillah in the sense my MIL treats me better than she even treats her own daughter. That despite the fact that her family cut off all ties from her and Asad's family cause they wanted asad to marry within the family. Never once has she made me feel that she hasnt met/talked to her siblings or mom just cause of me.
Makes me feel very guilty & very lukcy at the same time.
My MIN is so awesome that even after so many months, and despite living separately, she insists on sending dinner over simply cause she doesnt want me cooking after office. Alhumdullillah.
It is one thing to find a great husband, but finding great in laws is totally takes it to another level.
IIbterda:MashAllah you are so lucky!
I was never even praised by my MIL despit ethe fact I cook really good.When FIL used to say something I could feel the uneasines son her face!
worst is she was totally opposite when my husband or my parents were around . She would always act very sweet and it used to shock me at times. I felt like recording what ever she said to me when I was alone and make them listen to it to belive me!
well i have to say i feel for you.and i am sure the sindhi thing that you mentioned is not a universal phenomenon.the thing is unaiza,whenever you are going to get married outside your environment you will face the same issues.i remember a punjabi saying the same thing about a pathan family.i think what happened is sad and i kinda went through the same process where language wasnt a issue as we both speak the same but upbringing was.and freaking out when they called part,i was so there.but unaiza i am telling you,mark my words.after your baby will be born and time will pass things will improve.and why.simply because focus will be shifted.i heard worst things about jehaz.you cant even think what my inlaws used to say.but like you i ignored and in the end everything turns out to be okay:)
hey salams Fairy Girl =)
i just stumbled upon ur page. Really like ur layout. Oh the pinky pink! very girl and smart =)
the blog: i can understand where ur coming from. Its a horrible feeling. But sometyms in life the best thing to do is walk away and stay away, because some pple are just too stubborn. Im glad ur found ur own place =)
and MIL's, gosh ! youd think today there are three pple in the marriage. WIfe, Hubby & MIL!
keep blogging & and do drop by my place when u have tym =)
riki~
Here comes one Sindhi who reads ur blog pretty regularly..it's sad to see how u generalize..we have good and bad ppl everywhere and what you have experienced in ur inlaws isn't something unusual..if language isn't the issue..caste is..if caste isn't the issue..color is(every mom dreams of a gorri chand si bahu for her son), even if all this is fine..social status becomes an issue and so the list goes on.
Neway..I wish u all the best. May Allah(SWT) bless you with a happy married life.
@Bryond: Even if things dont get better, Ill make sure to keep my ass as far as possible:) LOL
@x rikki x : Oh wel thanks for the comment! its an all girls blog lOL
@Fariha Akhtar: I dont generalise , may I didnt use too, circumstances made me!
i know exactly what u have gone through, my mom went through the same (she is hindustani and my father is sindhi).but the fuuny thing is my dad side never treated thier bahu's well wither sindhi or hindustani. Well they certainly had bias against my mom and then it spread over to us. We were the prime sufferer deprived of the love and affection that comes from grandparents, unty and uncles. I hope u dont extend it to your children if they get love from thier grand parents let it be, its your childs right. all the best!!
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